Finding a sense of belonging and purpose within a community can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life. In this blog post, we delve into the heart of intentional community living — exploring how to identify and articulate your core values, align your values with your goals, and take practical steps towards finding or creating your ideal community. Whether you’re just starting to consider the idea or are actively searching for a community to join, this guide will help you clarify your intentions and set a clear path forward.
Starting with Your WHY
Everything comes down to your WHY (capital letters). The reason why you want to find community is unique to you — no one else has the exact same answer as you, although there may be similarities in how different people answer the question.
Clarifying your why is important because…
- It’s likely to be one of the first questions a community will ask you when considering your candidacy for membership, so it’s good to have a cohesive answer ready
- The community search process may be long and not always easy, so it’s essential that you have clarity on your driving motivation to pursue this path… like a guidepost in foggy seas or a mantra to maintain your focus.
- Your answer will relieve some of the qualities or characteristics you’d like to have in your future community, so it’s practically helpful in identifying a good match.
If you’d like to learn more about the concept of WHY and a variety of ways to find yours, I recommend the book by Simon Sinek, Start with Why, and/or you can watch his popular TEDTalk by the same title.
To jog your thinking a little, below is a list common words people use to describe their why:
- Connection
- Belonging
- Shared resources
- Resiliency
- Sustainability
- Affordability
- Support
- Purpose
- Simplicity
- Depth
- Security
- Fun
The WHY Exercise
Don’t worry right now about getting your WHY 100% perfect. Allow for evolution overtime. It’s fine to keep coming back to it as you move through this course and beyond.
Before driving into the exercise, make sure you are in a good head space. Take some breaths, go on a walk, make a cup of tea, play soothing music… whatever gets you into an inspiring mood.
(Note: If you are going through this course as a couple or family, please do this and all of the following exercises separately. Later you can compare and contrast your answers as a group.)
| Briefly answer the question: Why do you want to live in a community?I want to live in community because… (If you’re not sure that you want to live in a community yet, feel free to adapt the question. Such as Why do you want to try living in a/visit/explore community?) |
| Read what you wrote out loud and ask yourself “Why?” The idea is to try going a level deeper from your initial answer to the question. So if I said “I want to live in a community because I want to raise my kids in a village setting” then my answer to the question “Why” or “So What” might be, “Because I believe that humans thrive best when living in closely connected communities.” Write down whatever comes up. |
- Repeat step 2 at least 5x until you feel you’ve gotten to the core of your reasons for wanting to join community. It’s ideal if you can find a partner to do this exercise with as some people find it easier to answer out loud to stay spontaneous. A key is to not overthink your answers, go with the first clear thought that comes to you.
- Now take a moment to review all your answers. There is truth in each of them. Feel free to highlight, underline, or circle words or phrases that stand out to you. Using the space below try to craft a sentence or a few sentences that encapsulate the essence of your Why. Best not to go too meta with this one. Keep it specific to you — your life’s story, your dreams, your values.
Remember, no wrong answers here. Cherish whatever it is you created!
Clarifying Your Core Values and Goal Setting
Maybe you’ve done a values setting exercise in the past, well, what we are about to work through is a little different. We are going to create a list of values and goals that will be specific to your vision for a life in a community. These are two different but complementary lists that will set the foundation for your search process.
- Definition of a Goal: Goals are your aims. They are the results that you are trying to achieve. An example of a goal is to get a promotion at work this year.
- Definition of a Value: Values are your principles or standards of behavior. They reflect your judgment of what is important in life. An example of a value is excellence in all pursuits. Our values are deeply ingrained and change much more slowly than our goals.
Right now, you probably have a goal to join a community. Your success will be measured by whether or not you achieve this goal.
Meanwhile, your values are quietly and perhaps without your knowledge guiding your decisions as you move towards this goal. Your values have already influenced this goal and the other ones you have in your life. Your values have set you on a certain path. The path may lead towards your goals, or not.
Our values are not fixed and can slowly change and develop over time. When our personal values and goals are aligned, magic happens! We feel motivated and fulfilled.
Goals set the vision for where your life is headed and values determine how you will get there (or not!). It’s critical to have a clear understanding of your values when deciding on a community to join. And “what are your values?” may be one of the questions they ask you. And it’ll certainly be a question you should be asking of a community.
Your Core Values Exercise
| Take a moment to visualize your dream community. Imagine yourself living there already, going about your day to day, chatting with neighbors, enjoying time together, and feeling at home. Feel free to write or draw what you are imagining. |
- Now, reflect on what makes the culture of this community so amazing. Think about why these people in your future community seem so attractive.
| Make a list of the qualities or values that come to mind. Don’t restrict them at this point, just free write. Some examples could be… diversity of views and opennesscommitment to stewarding the landcare for children and their safetycreativity and passion for life |
- Next, circle the values that you think you already live or would like to embrace more in the future.
| Rewrite the ones you’ve circled as they would apply to you. “My values are…” You could try shortening them into a single word or short phrase that’s easy to remember. Try to keep the list small, no more than 5 of your core values. Values that you’d like to see reflected in your future community. |
Notice how your list of values compares with your WHY. Is it similar? Different? Just notice for now and go on to work on your goals.
Your Goals Exercise
There are many goal setting exercises out there. If you haven’t already done (or re-done) a goal setting exercise recently for your broader life goals, consider doing that. It can be helpful to set goals for the different areas of your life: relationships, work, physical, financial, mental, spiritual, etc.
For this exercise we are going to focus on goals as they pertain to your ideal community and the search process ahead of you.
| Begin by once again visualizing your dream community. This time, tune into how you feel in the community. Do you feel healthy, energized, supported? Don’t get caught up in the particulars of what the community is like (we’ll focus on that later). Right now just imagine how you are once living there. Write or draw whatever comes to mind. |
| Now craft your big goal statement. My goal is to (live in, join, experience) a community where I can feel _______________________. |
| Next comes the hard part. Try to put a date next to this goal. By when would you like to be living this reality? By when is it realistic? Many people underestimate the amount of time it’ll take to finally be settled in a community. Be as specific or broad as you like, a year or season is fine. |
| Phew, okay, now let’s break down this big goal into smaller action steps. Good news! You’ve already taken a step by having joined the Finders Circle and doing this exercise. Congrats. Now we’ll want to identify 3-5 steps that will keep moving you towards this goal. Keep it broad here. Such as, researching communities, visiting communities, moving to the community, etc. |
| Now for each step, break it down into 3-5 baby steps. Think of things you can do each day or week to prepare you and move you towards the bigger step. For example, under “Researching Communities” you could put “spend 3-hours each week reading community websites” or “make a chart of the communities I like with their pros and cons.” |
Don’t worry if your steps and baby steps aren’t completely filled out yet. The rest of this course will offer up plenty of steps and tools to help you work towards your goal.
Feel free to return to this section regularly to update it. You may want to get into a rhythm of checking it weekly (maybe every Sunday or right before a group call) to see how you are doing with your progress and to make changes as needed.
Embarking on Your Community Journey
As we conclude this guide, remember that finding or creating an intentional community is not just about a physical space, but about building a life aligned with your deepest values and goals. The journey can be challenging, but incredibly rewarding. Stay true to your WHY, keep revisiting your values and goals, and embrace the process with an open heart and mind. The community you dream of is not just a place, but a reflection of who you are and aspire to be.
Start your journey today and discover the power of living intentionally in a community. What should you do next? Turn your goals and values into a Community Wishlist with the help of this free guide.
Get more free resources and propel your journey into community with the help of small group coaching and support in the Community Finders Circle.
When you join, you’ll also get access to a version of the above exercises in a editable document.
Best wishes on your community journey!
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