Red Flags in Intentional Communities (and how to spot a healthy one)

Learn how to spot red flags in intentional communities — and what real signs of health look like —when evaluating a community to visit or join.

When people begin the steps to find an intentional community, one of the common questions I hear is:

“Are there any successful communities—ones that have it all figured out?”

People are usually looking for signs of longevity, peace, and a well-organized structure. They want to avoid places full of drama, disorganization, or spiritual bypassing. It’s a smart instinct—no one wants to end up in a chaotic or unsafe group.

But if you’re looking for a perfect place that’s never had conflict or that’s lasted forever without change—you may be chasing a mirage.

In fact, some of the most common “green flags” people look for can actually be red flags in intentional communities—warning signs that may be easy to miss if you don’t know what to watch for.

Let’s dig into the real indicators of a healthy community—and the subtle signals that something might be off.

Red Flag #1:
“We’ve never had any problems”

This may sound reassuring at first, but if a community claims they’ve never had conflict or challenges, that’s not necessarily a good sign. Conflict is natural in any human system—what matters is how a group deals with it.

If issues are being swept under the rug, avoided, or denied, that usually means there’s a lack of communication, self-awareness, or psychological safety.

When I hear, “Oh, we’ve never had conflict,” I don’t feel relieved. I feel wary.

Healthy communities don’t avoid conflict—they engage with it.

Longevity isn’t everything

Another common assumption: if a community has been around for a long time, it must be “working.” And yes, age can be a positive indicator—but it’s not the whole picture.

Some long-running communities are still stuck in rigid power structures, with unresolved tensions simmering below the surface. Others may appear stable simply because the remaining members are resistant to change, new members, or evolution. 

I’ve even seen communities that lasted decades but eventually chose to dissolve—with grace—when the energy to continue wasn’t there anymore. A community that chooses to fold may be more of a “success” than the one that stubbornly hangs on. 

Success doesn’t always mean surviving forever. Sometimes, a community can have a beautiful life cycle and still end in a healthy way.

Perpetuity is not the point—connection is.

What to actually look for:
Signs of a healthy community

If conflict is inevitable, how do we know if a community is actually healthy?

Key indicators of healthy intentional communities:

• Open communication: Members talk through tough topics honestly and with care.
  
• Conflict resolution systems: There’s a process in place for addressing disagreements—and people actually use it.
  
• Cultural evolution: The community reflects on its past, learns from it, and adapts over time.
  
• Multiple perspectives: When you ask questions, you hear different voices—not just one spokesperson with all the answers.
  
• Real stories from real people: Members are willing to share both joys and challenges. When someone says, “It’s been hard lately, but here’s how we’re working through it,” that’s a good sign.
  
• Clues of connection: Every community has its own culture, but signs of real connection often include shared projects, collaborative visioning, group rituals like singing or art-making, and celebrating milestones together—whether that’s birthdays, holidays, or community-specific traditions.
  

I often say that the best way to assess the health of a community is to observe how it moves through difficulty.

Are members growing together or growing apart?

Talk to the people — and listen for the subtext

When visiting, don’t just speak to the designated tour guide. Ask a variety of members:

• What do you love about living here?
  
• What’s been challenging?
  
• Have there been conflicts? How were they handled?
  
• Why have people left in the past?
  

If you can, it’s also worth hearing from people who used to live there. Why did they leave? If their reasons had to do with life changes (like family, work, or travel), they may still speak positively. If their departure stemmed from unresolved conflict or community dynamics, you’ll want to hear their side of the story—but keep in mind that it’s just one perspective. Community is multifaceted.

If you’re about to visit a community, I highly recommend reading my Guide to Visiting an Intentional Community, which includes specific questions to ask, red flags to notice, and activities to try (like sitting in on a community meeting).

The Founder Factor

Power, ownership, and the transition to “we”

This is one of the most overlooked dynamics in newer intentional communities: founder-led culture.

Many communities start with a strong, driven individual who owns the land and has the initial vision. That’s not necessarily a red flag—someone has to get the ball rolling, after all. But what happens next is crucial.

Warning signs in founder-led communities:

1. The founder owns all the land with no clear plan to shift ownership or leadership.
   
2. “We’ve tried to invite people in, but no one has been a good fit.”
   
3. Decision-making power isn’t actually shared.
   
4. There’s no legal agreement outlining how members join, contribute, or leave.
   

This is a classic chicken-and-egg dilemma: The founder wants trustworthy, committed people… but isn’t able (or willing) to share power, which makes it hard for new members to invest emotionally or financially.

I often compare it to parenting. There comes a time when a parent must say: This is no longer mine to control. For founders, that moment can be just as complex—and just as necessary.

If you’re joining an early-stage community with a founder, ask clear, grounded questions about:

• Ownership structure (now and in the future)
  
• Decision-making systems
  
• Exit plans (including what you keep when you go)
  
• Contracts and financial agreements
  

Don’t rely on vibes. Get it in writing.

What else to watch for?

More red flags in intentional communities

1. Excessive secrecy or lack of transparency
   
2. Only one or two people doing all the talking
   
3. Passive-aggressive dynamics, gossip, or triangulation
   
4. Claims of spiritual superiority (“we’re more evolved than others”)
   
5. No clear onboarding or offboarding process for members
   
6. Urgency or pressure to join quickly
   
7. No visible diversity of perspectives
   

There’s no perfect community — but there are healthy ones

If you’re seeking an intentional community that’s truly thriving, don’t get distracted by appearances. Ask real questions. Stay curious. Trust your gut—but back it up with observation.

And remember: sometimes a messy community can be healthy, and a polished one can be masking dysfunction.

Communities are constantly changing too. A dysfunction phase can turn into a positive outcome some months later. A second visit is always worthwhile if you suspect a community may just be moving through a phase.

Want to talk through what you’re seeing?

Evaluating communities can be overwhelming. That’s why I host the Community Finders Circle — an ongoing membership for people just like you who are exploring intentional community living.

Each week, we have live sessions to:

• Debrief community visits
  
• Discuss real-life dynamics we’ve witnessed
  
• Learn from each other’s experiences
  
• Support one another in finding aligned, healthy communities to join
  

If you’re feeling unsure, burned out, or just want a sounding board, you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Join the Community Finders Circle here »

Let’s navigate this journey—together.